Limerick Competition 2 – The Revenge

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the Internet...

You shouldn’t really be surprised.

The comments on the first Limerick Competition Post were such good fun that there simply had to be a sequel.

(Well, Cecilia told me there had to be.)


Of course this one may have more bangs and crashes but, ultimately, it just won’t be as good as the original.

But here goes anyway.

The most fun we have around here often has to do with things such as movies and… em… Limericks. So I thought why not throw the two in together? Why not write some Limericks about movies and ask the lovely visitors to write a Limerick about a movie too. More - I'll try not to name the movie in the Limerick, then fun could be had in trying to guess the movie. (All right - it was a slow night in Ideasville).

So I wrote a few and stuck them in below. The result is a bit like a series of Limerick Movie Riddles… very easy ones.

Will you do me an honour and write one of your own and put it in the comments thingie? I’d be eternally grateful, so I would.

As before, I’ll give 500 EC to the one I judge to be the winner plus a good link in the sidebar for a few months. (See Canucklehead over there? He won last time and it changed his life… he swears a lot more now). If you don’t use EC, you can have the link anyway and that amazing buzz that only comes from being the very best… that’s what I hear anyway.

For the first person that names the five movies I am Limericking about – all five, mind - I will try to write a copiously rude and disgusting Limerick about them as a special treat (can you wait?). Watch out for the fifth one, it’s a tiny bit tricksey - by which I mean it is not 'Gone With the Wind'. If you only get four, put them in anyway, you might win.

If you can also be first to explain why Bruce Willis warrants a mention in Limerick 3, or name three actors who are still surviving the movie in Limerick 4, I’ll also give you a wee few EC into the bargain.

It’s all in the name of fun. Roll up, roll up. Put your rhymin’ hat on.

1
The Natives don’t know what to do
The Beast has just munched one or two
Yes, the wall was secure
But they installed a big door
Large enough for the king to break through

2
When the heat wave got into my head
I went where that femme fatale led
And though Mattie may lie
Still one bad man will die
For no reason but we want him dead

3
The men of this town were not super
When there was trouble, they hid in the pooper
So it falls to one man
To do whatever he can
Not Bruce Willis, fool, Gary Cooper.

4
The fire was deadly… and high
And an A-List of stars had to die
Now the death toll’s grown steeper
For, in real life, the grim reaper
Took the survivors as well, by and by

5
Along came a new secret man
He was dangerous, quite violent, yet calm
But his girl Vesper Lynd
Thought it was ‘Gone with the Wind’
When he said, “Do I look like that I give a damn?”


There... surely you can do better?

If I’m lucky enough to get a few comments, I’ll hold them in moderation for one day so you can fool yourself into thinking you're first with the answers and get all excited.

Odds are, you will be.

Oh, by the way, any Limericks you may write in my comments section remain the property of the person who wrote them - always – just in case one of them lands a movie deal or something.


UPDATE: Let's clarify the prizes: 500 EC, kindly donated by Jena Isle for best limerick (plus a link here), 500 EC for all five answers (or closest) to the movie/limerick/riddles and 200 EC each for first correct answers to those little questions I posed.

Limerick Competition Winner!

Thank you all so much for joining in the Limerick-Fun-And-Games in the last post. I really had a ball and I hope you did too. Let's try something similar in the new year, eh?

I promised I would pick a winner from the comments section and here he is - my friend and yours - Linc, otherwise known and loved as Canucklehead.


Linc gets himself a space on my sidebar for a few months and 500 EC into the bargain... the lucky lucky bastard!! I gave it to Linc because he met my criteria so wonderfully. He wrote about the commenter above him, his meter was exemplary, he rhymed well, and he was borderline-very-rude.

Here's what he wrote: about Margaret from Eyespi

A lady who went by eyespi,
Was well known as 'a heck of a guy',
Which was gender confusing,
Yet rather amusing,
As long as you don't check her fly!

Honorary mention (or is it 'honorable', I never know) to this miscreant, who gets 200 EC and a kick in the ass.


Celtophilia (on Canucklehead)


It's true, Linc's my favorite Canuck,
but beware if he drives up in his truck.
He's Canadian so keep
an eye on your sheep
unless they could use a good f**k

There's loads of other super Limericks in the comments section of the previous post. Keep them coming, if you like..

... and thanks for playing!

UPDATE

Jena Isle - a woman of her word - has contributed an additional 500 EC to the prize fund. Therefore Canuck gets another 200 EC, Celtophilia, gets another 100 EC and we get another runner-up who bags a cool-and-highly-desirable 200 EC for himself

He is Dave King of Pics and Poems, - a highly-literary-yet-highly-enjoyable blog which you really should visit. Here's Dave's contribution (about Rachel Fox).

There was a young lady named Fox
whose work was exact, not approx,
every word apropos,
every metre would flow,
and all rendered best by her vox.

Rhyming 'apropos' with 'flow' certainly put you in the running for first place, Dave, you just weren't quite rude enough!

Start Your Week with a Lim-er-eeek

I had planned to be posting something else today but the feedback to the last Limerick post was very cool so I thought I’d drag it out just a little bit more.

Some of my commenters were suggesting that I might post a regular Limerick feature. It’s a good idea – I’ll certainly think about it – but it’s probably not for me. I like to be a little ‘looser’ than that.


‘Give me land, lots of land and the starry skies above, don’t fence me in’ and all that kind of jazz.

But, seeing as how we had such ‘joy and fun’ last time and nobody apparently died, I thought I might suggest a small Limerick competition for you clever types who leave me comments.

In the last day or two, I’ve whipped up three Limericks about three of the very nicest people I chat to at such excellent forums as: ‘Top Ten Blog Tips - CMF Forums’ and ‘The Batcave’ or on Twitter. They also happen to have wonderful blogs so do hit the links.

Fragileheart
The blogger we call Fragile Reggie
Eats only some lime juice and veggie
Guarding her body mass
So the shape of her ass
Doesn't give her poor undies a wedgie*

*My reference for the undies remark

Wisdom Hypnosis
I consulted with Wisdom Hypnosis
And I cured all my tics and psychosis
I got wisdom and care
And my hypnotised stare
Caught a glimpse of her sheer panty hoses

Ohio Realtor
House hunting? Go talk to Cecilia
Her houses are really a steal. Yeah
So when you’re ready to buy-oh
In Cleveland Ohio
She’ll do you a really good deal. Yeah

(There! How to insult your pals in one fell swoop...)

Now, here’s what I thought.

In the comments section, I'd love you to take the name of the commenter above you and compose a limerick about them. I’ll disable comment-moderation for this one post so please behave (a little).

After a couple of days, I will give 500EC’s (or a link in the sidebar if you don’t use EC’s) to my personal favourite limerick. Then I will try and write my own one about the winner.

The first comment (if there is one) should be a limerick about me. 'Felix' is my middle name if you want a slightly tougher challenge.

Oh and ‘God among men’, rhymes quite well with Ken...

...apparently.

There Once Was a Fellow Called Ken…

Anyone who’s come across me around the forums may have noticed that I quite like Limericks.

I like trying to write them, particularly if the name in question is a little unusual. I don’t think I’m particularly good at it but I like trying to came up with a rhyme which says something about the subject-matter as well as meeting the simple rhyme and scan criteria.




My relationship with the Limerick goes back quite a ways but it was definitely cemented when I came second in my school class in first year of secondary school.

I would have been twelve years old then. For coming second (I always came second, where are you now Martin Kennedy? Eh? Do you have a blog all of your own… he’ll probably answer too) anyway, for coming second, I got a book. It was called ‘A Little Treasury of Limericks, Fair and Foul’.

It was a great book, right up my street. The teachers knew I liked a bit of a laugh and a joke so somebody thought this would fit me. They were right, bless them. But, man, they so mustn’t have looked inside – it was full to the brim of filthy limericks. I couldn’t show my prize at home ‘cos they would have looked inside and all hell would doubtless have broken out. So I kept it as my little secret, well, one of them – you don’t need to hear about the others thank-you-very-much.

The opening Limerick in that book summed up the art-form pretty well I thought. This from memory:

The Limerick packs laughs astronomical
Into space that is quite economical
But the good ones I’ve seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones are seldom so comical

How true, how true.

There are clean ones, of course, but it seems to be the added sauce that decides whether a particular limerick is palatable or not.

I’d like to share with you my favourite limerick, which comes in the form of a story. It’s a story I tell quite a lot and I pass it on to you in the hope that you might tell it somewhere too. If you tell it right, it’s a winner but, please note, it works better in the telling than it does in the reading so you may not get a full appreciation for the jollyness-potential from what follows. I should also say that I am writing the following story from memory from that book. I don’t know the copyright issues with my doing that but if anyone has a problem, do let me know.

Thanks.

So, the father-of the bride had to make a speech at the wedding and he was very nervous about it. He wrote all his prompts on little cards and then, at practically the last moment, he discovered a limerick which he thought would finish off his speech brilliantly. The limerick went like this:

There was a young man called Skinner
Who took a young girl out to dinner
At half past nine
They sat down to dine
And by a quarter to ten it was in her…
… the dinner, not Skinner.

Yes, it had a sixth line, breaking all the rules of limerick writing but it was funny, if a little rude, so he decided to include it in his speech.

The speech went ‘poorly’. He’d had too much dinner-wine and he’s got his little cards all jumbled up and, right at the end, he could not find the card with the limerick on it, So he decided to rescue the evening by doing the verse from memory. Here’s what he said:

There was a young man called Tupper
Who took a young girl out to supper
And half past nine
They sat down to dine
And by a quarter to ten it was up her
…not Tupper… some bugger called Skinner.