Baby You Got Me Checking in my Rear View Mirror
There’s a lady in my mirror.
She wasn’t there before but she sure as hell is now. She seems to have a very big head but that might just be a trick of perspective.
She is, after all, very very close to me.
I have to drive a little bit, for my job. One day most weeks I make a six or seven hour round trip journey. And this sort of thing seems to be happening a lot to me lately. I’m tipping along, minding my own beeswax when I happen to glance in the mirror and there’s a woman back there, driving her own little car - extremely close behind mine.
This often used to happen with guys – big hairy-arsed sweaty fellas who only wanted to get past you and on up the road to their mother. They may be no fun at all but at least they’re kind of understandable – They suffer ‘Alpha Male Delusions’ coupled with ‘Penis-Envy’… or something like that. Guys just tend to do this type of crap – it’s a given.
But, correct me if you think you need to, but Gals didn’t used to drive like this – not here anyway.
I’m not really sexist about driving matters. Reverse sexist, perhaps – I’ve always thought women were much safer drivers than us guys. I figured that they used their lack of imagination and vision on the road as a protective shield and that this has generally worked very well for them.
(God, I’m in trouble now).
But lately it’s always ladies in my rear view mirror, intently focusing on staying within four inches of my rear bumper.
So, what to do?
I’ve got bored with throwing on the rear fog lights and watching those gals vanish over the horizon as they stomp on their brakes. It’s a short-lived pleasure - they invariably come back, pissed-off as hell, and then they shorten the gap down to two inches.
Sometimes I will click on the hazard warning lights. That generally pushes them back a bit but only for a little while. When they realise that there’s no great hazard up ahead they come back up again.
Maybe I’ve just got an attractive exhaust-pipe (it has been said).
What I really wish is that I could have a large electronic display on the rear window that would flash pre-programmed messages to those intent ladies out back of me.
Subtle messages like, ‘You are Driving Very Close to Me Today… Do You Like Me?’
Straight-to-the-point things like, ‘BACK OFF LADY’.
Or, striving for good-natured wit, ‘While you’re there, would you mind terribly rolling down my rear passenger window a bit?’
Sometimes, in desperation, I just pull in and wave them past. Go on, leave me alone.
But they don’t go. These ladies don’t want to pass me out, they just want to drive behind me. Really really close behind me.
And, boy, I so wish they didn’t.
* * * *
Finally, for now. The title of today’s post comes from a song that I like.
You can have 100EC if you’re the first to comment with the title and the performer.
And if you’re willing to give me your solemn word of honour that you didn’t look it up, I’ll give you 150EC.