IMAX Upselling (Telemachusing)?

I think I could possibly take a bit of flak for this one, if anyone actually ever read this stuff. Maybe that’s one of the advantages of not being widely read. I can have my little say and largely get away with it. Wouldn’t the occasional small furore be kind of nice though? No, it wouldn’t, Ken, you’d hate it and you know it.

So, jog on.

Anyway, I went to see The Odyssey yesterday in my local cinema. Not to sound too namby-pamby about it but this is a sort of an experiment in regeneration for me. As I young person, I really enjoyed going to the movies by myself. From about fourteen to twenty-three I did it quite a lot and it was one of my things. Then I went away from it all. First from solitary cinema-going and then from cinema-going altogether. For the first part I had Dear Patricia to accompany me and for the second part I got tired of mobile phones and popcorn rustles and belligerent kids and, mostly, my own lack of patience.

But since I was laid up for a while, I’ve started to acknowledge that I deserve a little something for myself now and again, and one of those somethings is the occasional revisit to the local film house when there’s something on I’d really like to see on the big screen. (‘Big screen’… hold that thought). I sound like I’ve been doing this all the time but, in actuality, I did it yesterday for the first time. Perhaps that means this is more a statement of intent. One that nobody will read (leave that now, Ken, there’s a good lad).

But let’s get on to the point of this post.. but wait, what? You want an Odyssey review? A non-spoiler one? Can you actually spoil The Odyssey at this juncture? (Be quiet, Ken, you’re sounding like a prat.) All right, not a review per-se (per-se is one of my very few readers) but a little of what I thought of it. Okay?

The Odyssey: I really enjoyed it. I was thoroughly entertained throughout. I found it oddly ‘old-fashioned’ in places. That may sound strange for such an ancient story, but Nolan tends to bring modernity to whatever subject he tackles. Parts of the film seemed to deliberately hark back to the Ray Harryhausen days – men on super-real white beaches about to encounter some outlandish beastie. I liked that. Samantha Morton puts in a great shift, and Robert Pattinson is a fine panto villain. Matt Damon delivers his role, possibly in the knowledge that the driven hero is rarely the most interesting character. The people who suffer the consequences of his passions make for a much more interesting story. Finally, the climax delivers a Gladiator-like payoff that is highly satisfying.

So, yes, I really enjoyed this one. I would recommend it.

Now, let’s get to that gripe.

Sitting in my local cinema, with its nice sound system, solid digital projection and sizeable screen, I was aware that I was a second-class citizen when it came to seeing this movie. That mine was a third-rate experience that could not compare to what others were simultaneously experiencing elsewhere.

In my head, I’m calling this The Great IMAX Upsell or, as I’m trying to be smart, Telemachusing.

If you’ve seen hype about the movie, you’ve also seen hype around the format. ‘The first film ever shot entirely in IMAX’, ‘must be seen in an IMAX cinema to be even partially appreciated and, ideally, in an IMAX 70mm projected format.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it’s great. Even the buzz of going in to see it like that, after all that hype, would be great. But, at the end of the day, it’s still pretty basic upselling, isn’t it? And why not? The film is a product, and a damned expensive one at that. If it doesn’t recoup, wash its face, and then go on to make a substantial profit then what can the future hold for grand cinema events. So, go IMAX, go 70mm, back the creation and love it and tell me how much more inferior my own meagre experience was. But don’t lose sight of the fact that you were upsold.

A few weeks back I wrote about the ‘would you like a drink with that’ routine in fast food places. This is the same. Would you like an extra few feet at the top and bottom of your screen? It will turbo-charge your experience. It will change your life.

Except it won’t. Will it?

It’s good. It’s great. But it’s not that good. It’s not that great.

So, yes, by all means, have the drink with the burger. It will wash things down nicely. Just don’t buy into how it might change your life. That’s all.

My viewing of The Odyssey was perfectly satisfactory for my needs. And rest assured that I am one of the biggest aspect-ratio nerds you may ever meet. I detest cropped prints. The VHS rental days drove me mad with their awful 4:3 ratios, hacked to fit our then-boxy TVs. The advent of widescreen TVs and then DVDs with correct widescreen letterboxed ratios delighted me.

So, wait. Maybe I need to accept something here. Maybe I’m just being churlish. Maybe, deep down, I would love to see the film in the ratio that Chris Nolan intended me to see it in.

But I can’t, I just can’t.

And maybe there’s something just a little sad about going all the way to your local dream factory and being told that it’s a second-rate, knock down, dream that you’re about to have.