Here's a little joke I've told over quite a few Christmas's. It's rude so be warned.There aren't many new jokes in the world and this certainly isn't one of them but it can get a good laugh if the punchline is delivered correctly.
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So the dust bin (garbage) man was going around all the houses collecting his Christmas pressies.
He called to this attractive housewive's house and there she was, all done up in frilly under-garments and seductive spices.
She invited the bemused bin man into her living room and, without further ado, made mad passionate lurve to him right there on the living room floor.
When they were finished, and he was getting ready to go, she handed him a five euro note.
The bin man became quite emotional.
"I have to tell you", he said, "this is the best Christmas present I've ever been given."
"You can thank my husband for that," said the lady. "When he was going to work this morning, I asked him should I give the bin man a tenner for Christmas and he said...
... No, f**k him, give him five."
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Writing that reminds me of another favorite joke-for-telling which isn't Christmas-related but which does involve the garbage bin again. Both these jokes are infinitely better in the verbal tradition rather than written down so, if you've not falling about laughing, try telling them to yourself as you might tell it to somebody else and you may see the potential for smiles.
Oh - language differences - you need to know what a Wheelie Bin is. It's a fairly descriptive term anyway. Wikipedia says that Americans call it a "mobile garbage bin" or 'MGB' (that's so gonna spoil my joke) and you dear dear Canadian-folk tend to call it a 'Green Bin'.
It's a bin-with-wheels, jees!
Without further ado, here's number two, the 'Wheelie Bin Joke. I'm always grateful to my dear Sister-in-Law, Carrie, for telling me this one:
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So the waste-collection-company hired a man who had recently arrived from China. His job was to ensure that everybody put their Wheelie Bins outside their house at the correct time each week.
He took his job very seriously and was known to be quite belligerent with people who failed to get their bins out on time. The fact that he was still learning the language didn't always help
One collection-day, he came to a house with no bin outside. He knocked loudly on the door and a man came out. The man was wearing only shorts and was very very sunburned.
"Where you bin?" The wheelie-bin guy shouted.
"What?"
"Where you bin?"
The man smiled proudly, "I have been to Hawaii for three weeks."
"No no no no no... where you Wheelie Bin?"
The man deflated.
"All right," he said, "I fell asleep on the damn sun bed..."
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Anyone got a seasonal joke for me.?
Let's aim to maintain a loose PG13 rating, eh?
