I Have Been a Rover

Lots of writers deal with the subject of Lycantrophy or the art of being (or at least believing you are) a werewolf.

Well... I’ve got a bit of that going on. I firmly believe that there is a part of me which is Canine through and through.

Yes, I am convinced that I am part-dog.

Sure, it would be cooler to be Lupine and howl at the moon but, as the man says, you can’t always get what you want.

Why do I think I’m part dog?

Well the evidence is there in my behavior, particularly in the way I deal with other dogs.

It’s mostly territorial. Whenever I see a dog who barks at me, it effects me at a very basic primordial level. That dog is clearly trying to assert some kind of authority on me and I CANNOT HAVE THAT (sorry). I see any dog barking at me as a personal invasion and affront and the desire to go to that dog and take my bloody vengeance is often difficult to suppress.

I have never come across a dog who scared or intimidated me. Dogs sense this in me too – generally they are afraid of me no matter how nice I am trying to be – they sense that thing in me which humans cannot – namely that if they get in my space and annoy me, I could gleefully tear them limb from limb.

As a result people often tell me that I am ‘good with dogs’. I like dogs, so that helps, but mostly the dogs know not to get out line with me. They smell a kindred spirit. One who responds to them as another dog would – an Alpha Dog.

Why am I musing on this today? Well yesterday, someone ‘got in my space’ down town. They were drunk and they ran full tilt into me as I was coming out of the video shop. I said something like ‘Please be careful’ and he said ‘F**k off, don’t touch me.’ At those words, the territorial instinct set in and, in that moment I was no longer a tired dude heading home from work.

I hissed something into this guys face that I won’t repeat here – suffice it to say it was graphic and completely confrontational.

The guy looked into my eyes and he saw the dog in there. Maybe in his drunken calculation he saw somebody who he could win over in a fight but he also saw somebody who would bloody him badly before he finally succeeded.

So he lowered his eyes and he went away.

And as I walked up the street, the dog was gone again and I was left reprimanding myself for rising to these situations.

I was an old fool, I thought, and it was time I calmed down.

But one part of me – a small part – just wanted to find a pole and piss on it.


Jena Isle said...

he he he, your last sentence made me grin. That was quite an experience. Can I add you to my blog roll? an subscribe to your feed? I like your style. My pipe dream is to write too.

Jena Isle said...

I will add you to my Random Thoughts and The Clamor of Kalinga blog roll.

Matthew S. Urdan said...

You dog!

I've got one up on ya! Dogs love me. They respond to me. They know I don't mean them any harm, so they approach me wagging their tails for some lovin'. And since they're looking for some lovin', needless to say, they're not barking at me.

Kill 'em with kindness is what I say, Mate.

Hope your holiday is going well.

Kimmie said...

Hey Ken!

Matthew stole my line! LOL! You had my attention throughout this whole post and then you really made me *bark*...I mean laugh at your last sentence.

Hope you are having a wonderful time!

Anonymous said...

Um... can I make a request. Can you like... not update one day or at least write something I can actually resist reading? I need to go to bed! lol

Anyway, back on topic... I'm not usually the type to get 'turned on' by guys being all 'alpha dog' and being the 'tough guy' but imagining you scaring off this poor drunken buffoon (sp?) was pretty hot.

I am a cat though... how do you feel about felines?

hope said...

The family joke is that I am a kid/dog magnet: if I walk into a room, they will find and greet me as if discovering their long lost pal. :)

Gee Ken, given the number of ladies who post here, I'd think you be more of a chick magnet than dog handler.

Kat Mortensen said...

Grrr! No one gets in your face, then?
I'm more of a cat, myself--lazily, lounging about, ravenous most of the time and very loud when vexed.


Ken Armstrong said...

Thanks Jen, you spotted this post a long time ago (small pun intended).

Matt: People say dogs love me too but they really fear me - I bet they fear you too:

(Rover: Here's comes that ABBA guy again!!)

Matt: Give Kimmie her line back, her bark is *not* worse than her bite.

Fragile: My middle name is Felix, does that answer? :)

Hope: I *know*!! Slightly worrying isn't it. I think, despite my protestations, I positively reek of non-threatening-behaviour. :)

Hi Kat: People actually get in my face all the time, it's only if you're, like, the lucky thirteenth customer, I can turn nasty. :)

Anonymous said...

I like the whole dog scenario. However we have a lot of pitbulls around the neighborhood and most of them well haven't been bought up to fetch the newspaper. So most of them don't bark at you much .. more like bite. That is probably less painfull than the owner coming out yelling at you to stop feeding his dog human leg.

zorlone said...


That guy sure saw wolf and knew his lace in the order of things.


Margaret said...

Ohhhh! Well, dog lover that I am, that must be why you appeal to me so much. It probably doesn't hurt that you go by the name of Ken who is also the name of my best friend :)

The alpha stare is quite useful. I use it all the time in training my dogs.

Debbie said...

funny, I've called you a dog before and not for any of the reasons you've listed!

you are one of my favorite pups though...you know the other...

Debbie said...

"One who responds to them as another dog would – an Alpha Dog"

funny that comment hit me later, I think of you more as a Theta male, as you have me entranced! ;)

Susan at Stony River said...

Good boy! Hang on, let me dig out the Bonios...

Seriously, you're a lucky man; the werewolf romance genre (yes there is one) is huge. I had to laugh at your photo for this post btw.

Laura Brown said...

I'm not a dog person at all. I don't dislike them or fear them I just don't trust them. When my sister was 4 our cousins family pet dog decided to eat her face. I clearly remember screaming and getting the adults to pull the dog off of her. I was only a few years older, still am. I've had other run ins with dogs and we have had pet dogs too. But, I am not a dog fan. Cats are much smarter, don't bark or drool and they know when to come around and when to piss off.

Dominic Rivron said...

Ever read Steppenwolf?

Ken Armstrong said...

Zorlone: I'm not half as dangerous as I like to think I am. :)

Margaret: I'm glad you got 'dog lover' from all this, 'cos I certainly am. It's just my brand of dog love isn't about cuddling them or giving them chocolates - I can see you understand that and I'm pleased cos you know a *lot* about dogs.

Debbie: Down girl! :)

Susan: Good photo, yup - I didn't do it, I didn't take it either. :)

Laura: Cats are calculating - smarter than I am, I hate that. :)

Dominic - no - is there a truth in there for me?? :)

Mike said...

Ken, I know exactly what you mean about barking dogs. There's something about it that just makes me want to do them serious injury.

The worst is when my neighbors let their dogs run loose, and they come into MY yard and bark at me. That really puts me in a killing mood.