Privileged and Scared

How do I feel?

The answer is right up there in the title. I feel privileged and scared. Sometimes one trumps the other. Sometimes the opposite one is winning out. Of course, I feel other things too. Excited, nervous, proud, amazed. It’s a time for feelings and there are plenty of those little suckers about.

But mostly… yes.

And damn right I should feel privileged. I am a local playwright, with a full time job that has nothing to do with playwrighting. Just another Joe with a laptop and a dream. But, man, what support I have. What support I get. I have Castlebar Musical and Dramatic Society on my side, that local behemoth of talent and endeavour. And I have The Linenhall Arts Centre on my side, our Castlebar community institution of all things creative, artistic, and good. As a writer, it is an utterly fantastic sandbox to be permitted to play in. CMDS provides such support and warm encouragement. Their top people schedule and organise and corral everything into place for my scribblings. Extraordinary stage managers hunt high and low for elusive props and ways to make things work. Show programmes are designed and finessed. Tickets are announced and announced again and, finger crossed, sold. And always the encouragement. The willingness of the incredible cast members to give their valuable time up for my writing. The huge commitment to the theatrical cause.

And then there’s the 'scared' part.

How could it not be scary? I remind myself constantly. It’s a play that’s never been seen before. How will it work in front of an audience? There’s sure-as-hell only one way to find out, and that’s to lash it out there and see what happens. Again, how could it not be scary?

But I’ll tell you one thing. I might be a bit scared for my writing and my directing and my whatever else. But I’m definitely not scared about the actors. When I set to work rewriting this play, in the aftermath of the joy of last year’s productions, I had four of the actors, from last year’s plays, firmly in mind for playing these roles. I rewrote for them and around them (which was interesting) and then I braced myself and went and asked them. And they all said yes. All four. Again, with the 'privileged'. And they are amazing. Amazing in their commitment to the work and in their willingness and skill in finding their way through the play. Working with them has been a joy and they don’t make me scared at all. My scary bits, such as they are, are all reserved for yours truly. The sneaking imposter feelings that we all get from time to time but which knowing doesn’t make any less potent.

But it’s all good. Very good, in fact.

I was looking at a Facebook video from John Breen and Mikel Murfi’s new production of The Quiet Man in the Dublin Theatre Festival, which I would love to see (I hope it tours). It looks incredible. At any other time, I might be somewhat jealous of the wonderful theatre endeavour, wishing I could be a part of something like that. Not this time though. This time, I have my very own thing, thanks to CMDS and The Linenhall Arts Centre. It makes me scared, yes, but that’s an integral part of the game. When they say do something that scares you, they don’t mean something that scares you a little bit. You have to just go for it.

Thanks, guys, for helping me do all this.

It’s a great, great privilege and, man, don’t I know it?

Tickets for A Sort of Whodunnit and The Doubles Partner can be booked on 094 90 23733 or via this link: www.thelinenhall.com